Divorce, the legal separation of married couples, is often a very messy and disturbing affair. It causes long term psychological and emotional scars in not only the separated couple but even their friends and family, especially children. In some rare cases, divorce might be the healthiest solution, but it still does cause psychological implications that get deep-seated in the individual.
Many times, recognizing and addressing issues that could potentially lead to a divorce can save not only the marriage but also the person from a very difficult phase of life.
1. Lack of Intimacy and commitment
It seems very cheesy, but intimacy does play a very big role in marriage. As marriages get more experienced, the lack of a physical relationship is natural. But with the absence of a physical relationship, intimacy doesn’t have to disappear as well.
Just small acts of kindness and affection to one’s partner goes a big way in having an intimate relationship. A survey done on a group of individuals, state that 75% of them confessed to a lack of commitment and intimacy as the cause for their divorce. This emotion and factor are often overlooked in a long term marriage, assuming that it is natural. But this causes a detachment and lack of commitment over time, mostly resulting in divorce.
2. Infidelity is often one of the reasons for divorce
Cheating on your spouse or partner is another major reason for divorce. This reason is closely associated with the previous one and in some situations is a bigger cause of divorce. There are many reasons that drive an individual to infidelity. There might be psychological issues stemmed from childhood like seeking attention which causes an individual to need more than one partner.
Other reasons for infidelity could be boredom, emotional instability, constant argument, midlife crisis or even when they feel their emotional and physical needs are not met. Most cases of infidelity need not result in divorce. An in-depth understanding and rectification of what led an individual to cheat is required to avoid divorce and better the relationship. But often as the case is, infidelity leads to mistrust and ends up complicating a relationship more than it should.
3. Lack of communication
Healthy communication is always necessary for any relationship to work. Some people are not able to understand how to communicate properly, which often leads to misunderstanding and eventual shutdown of communicating emotional and psychological needs and problems. It could also be because each partner has a different style of communication, something the other might not be able to comprehend.
Some people also feel the need to communicate less due to other reasons from their past whereas some others will feel the need to communicate more. This imbalance in communication is also problematic and hence lead to divorce.
4. Constant argument
Every person is different when it comes to opinions and suggestions. And more often than not, couples face this very occasionally when what they believe in is completely opposite to what their spouses believe in. This tends to arise when people spend a lot of time together and they find it hard to accept their differences.
This leads to constant arguing when they can’t see eye to eye. This constant arguing creates an air of suffocation and psychological torture to not only the couple involved in the arguments but also to others around. It causes long-lasting trauma especially in children who witness their parents arguing.
5. Unrealistic expectations
Most people, after dating their partner for a long time tend to find themselves imagining and hoping that marriage is what they are destined for. Couples, especially after a long happy courtship expect marriage to be the same.
But with a marriage, there comes a lot of responsibility which is never obvious when you are dating and responsibilities are not often a smooth ride. So when things get tough, many of them tend to find it easier to leave than fix the situation, stating that it was not how they expected it to be.
Abuse has a lot of baggage that comes with it. Abusive parents often tend to produce children who are abusive in their adulthood just because they experienced it at home. Abuse can be physical or psychological. Stricter partners who feel like they are losing control or simply because their mental capacity allows them to believe it is fun are the ones who are always in the giving side of physical abuse. It’s one of the top reasons for divorce.
Most partners on the receiving end try their best to stay with abusive spouses only because they want to make the marriage work. Psychological abuse is often not recognized until very late in the marriage. It is caused by psychological impacts that the partner had at an earlier stage in life and is projected onto their spouse and children without understanding its origin or its impact. Most families that have a history of abuse, have deep-seated scars that mostly never go away.
7. Addiction can be a reason for divorce
Addiction and Abuse generally go hand in hand. Intoxicating partners tend to get addicted to the particular substance, whether it is alcohol or drugs that can cause changes in temperament and behavior. Addicted people find it extremely hard to let go off the substance and gives themselves and their families a hard time, often leading to a broken home.
Partners under the influence of any substance are usually the ones that are more abusive in nature. Children who witness parents under substance abuse tend to use it themselves at a later stage in life. Addicts are often met with resentment, especially if the partner has been trying to help them and don’t succeed which eventually leads to divorce.
8. Lack of equality
Inequality arises in couples who take on unitary responsibilities where one does a particular type of work and the other does another type. Many times, this division of work and tasks makes one feel like they have to manage more than the other. Coupled with the thoughts that their partner is not into the relationship as much as they are, they feel resented and taken for granted. This lack of equality is sometimes the reason why some partners go into addiction and infidelity. It’s another of the top reasons for divorce.
9. Jealousy and Insecurity
Insecurity can cause an array of emotional imbalance that leads to jealousy. Low self-esteem, emotional instability, possessiveness and a feeling of inadequacy are the most common causes of jealousy. These insecurities in a marriage could rise when it comes to one partner making more money or children tending to favor one parent over the other. Anxious people who are most of the time dependent on their spouse for even the most meager things find themselves stuck in the complex web of jealousy that leads to a lot of insecurity and mistrust.
10. Not being prepared for marriage
Very often couples find themselves in a marriage much before they have emotional stability and maturity. They rush into it to get a sense of accomplishment, hoping they will settle down. Many of them, blind in love, fail to understand the seriousness of marriage and get into it expecting a happily ever after. This is commonly found in marriages between youngsters in their late teens and early twenties. Without the experience of taking care of themselves, they dive into serious responsibility without knowing the consequences, which often leads to an early divorce. It’s one of the top reasons for divorce, and one you can avoid.
11. Lack of compatibility or growing apart
We as humans are constantly changing and adapting our behavior to our surroundings and activities. Many times, especially in long term marriages, when couples find their own independence, they happen to lose compatibility. Things they found interesting might not be the same anymore and this leads to them growing apart. Their aspirations and dreams change over time and could clash with that of their spouses, causing them to not see eye to eye, thus ending up being one of the reasons for divorce.
12. Control struggles
Some people feel the need to have the upper hand in any relationship. This is one of the major causes for toxicity among couples. They like controlling, manipulating and ordering their spouses on what to do, how to behave and who to talk to or not. It is often disguised in the form of suggestions, manipulating the other to follow suit. When they lose this form of control or when their spouse feels suffocated under such pressure, the relationship takes an end.
13. When you don’t marry for love
Sometimes, some of them get into a marriage out of an urgency to settle down or for the inheritance of the other. These type of marriages usually happen on a spur, without much thought into how they feel or if this is what they want. Some of them feel that if the partner has enough money, they can live a happy and prosperous life, as long as their needs are met with money. This generally leads to unhealthy and imbalanced relationships.
With a lot of innovation in technology, we are given options of new and unique choices on a day to day basis making it easy for one to get bored fast. Technology has been designed in such a way that we soon get hooked on to it and forget our realities. With the popularity of social media rising rapidly, many people get hooked on to how they have been portrayed virtually thus neglecting their responsibilities and reality at home, which obviously infuriates the partner that might potentially lead to a divorce, making it among the top reasons for divorce.
15. Physical appearance may be a reason for divorce too!
This is one of the most superficial, yet genuine reasons for divorce among couples. With popular culture dictating how we should be, how to dress, how to look and with everything being so trendy, people often forget to look at the behavior of the person. The moment they start lagging at their physical appearance, some spouses tend to get embarrassed in their presence, causing turmoil.
This is often found in women after pregnancy who take time in losing their baby weight. They are body-shamed by their husband and family, accusing them of being less attractive, causing physical and emotional scars. Many times, this is coped with, after tremendous torture or they end up separating.
Separation can be a painful period especially if it is not mutual. It causes a lot of emotional turbulence, but can always be avoided by working on it. Understanding and recognizing the signs are the first step to helping the marriage. Visit a counselor and develop good communication between you and your spouse in order to avoid the gruesome trauma of separation, Don’t make a reason for divorce happen. What are the other reasons for divorce that we missed out on?