Note: The following is a satire on the Salman Khan judgment.

Don’t worry. We’re talking about the hit his movies always are and how they run in the theaters for weeks. Okay, you got me. It is about the real life hit and run that Salman Khan didn’t do. (read he did.. Shhh..)

But, whosoever wrote the lyrics of this song put a whole bunch of thought into this.

*Saiya tu kamaal ka, baate bhi kamaal ki*

And the one who wrote this one, may have been a fortune teller.

*O o jaane jaana, dhundhe tuje deewana*

Who are we kidding? Nobody is looking for the guy who was driving and who actually did hit and run because we all know that guy doesn’t exist. The sole purpose of our existence was actually just to see Salman Khan being acquitted apart from being human because if he would’ve spent five years in jail, I would have clearly lost the point of justice. (No.)

Now, since we’re all about it and the acquittal is still not an old news, let’s learn some lessons for our life from the case. Because, let’s be honest, if these days, you’re not getting your life lessons from a website or an app, you’re not living your life.

Let’s get started with a picture of our Bhai giving some aashirvaad!

salman

 

1. The circle of power doesn’t exist.

Yes. There is no such thing as a circle of power. It’s a line. And it goes like this.

General people -> Minority people -> Policemen-> Movie stars -> Businessmen=Politicians -> ‘Gang-Stars’!

Not to mention that the list is in descending (read ascending) order. Also, it’s not a spelling error, I did write Gang Stars. (Coz they be the bawssss!)

2. Life imitates Art.

It is not the other way round, my friend. The High Court has definitely proved that the Bollywood we grew up in, where every movie was filled with driverless cars, is not bullshit (You already know it is).

It is real. (No. Just no.)

It exists. Just like in Bhai’s case. (LOL)

mystery

3. Give more than you take (read nothing).

I don’t think I need to explain this one because Bhai kind of does that every day with his organization, which emphasizes a lot on Being a Human Being and we all know that human beings are creatures of error. But, since we’re talking about giving here, he gave, and gave, and gave to all the poor people (read witnesses) who always had his back (read acquittal). He also gave into the peer pressure, and ended up killing a black buck, but we’re not talking about that right now.

4. No life without balance (phone ka nahi, zindagi ka).

Salman Khan taught us how there has to be a balance in life. I mean, come on! If you keep saving lives of everyone out there, someone has to die, right? Even if it’s 1 for like a 100, it’s kind of balanced. He did the right thing. I’m not saying that he killed because we all know he wasn’t driving, but somebody did die. That somebody is the police officer who held his ground and was the prime witness until he just vanished in 2004 (look up lesson no. 1 again) and died of Tuberculosis in 2007 with no one to take care of him. And guess what? Being Human was founded in 2007 too. Irony? I don’t think so! (I’m so good at pointing out ironies)

witness

5. Jeevan Moh Maaya hai!

Your life means nothing. It’s just not worth it. Especially if you’re poor. I mean, you do get a shelter and food and clothing because Bhai will make sure you get that, but your life is not worth it. According to Bhai, since he provides you shelter, you cannot sleep on the footpath because that’s where the stars drive. Again, we’re not saying that he killed that man (read he did). He was not driving according to the court. That means he was not driving (read he was).

being human

The final lesson:

This one does not get a number because this is not what the case has taught you; this is what the article has taught you. You have finally completed your course in reading between the lines, you now somehow understand sarcasm and are fit to rant on twitter about him by retweeting tweets of the other stars who are pouring enormous amounts of support for him.

On a signing note, I would like to say that “Fans Bhai Return Payo. Rut Milan ki Aayo. Fans Bhai Return Payo”. (Dear God, Take him away)

*KBye*

Bye.

-Apurva Jain

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