Reviving Old School Love…

The rain comes pouring down outside my window, it appears to be some kind of monotonous drumming, a warm, soothing lullaby and a cold, riveting torrent all at once. I sit at my desk, reading poems and stories – about heartbreak, about fear of commitment, about lost love. Tales of how love is treacherous, how it can leave you broken and scarred, how it can rob you of your faith in it, slowly turning that daydreaming romantic into a hard-headed cynic.  All the prose and verses heart wrenching, poignant and beautiful. Bits and pieces of advice – don’t look for love in others, look for love within you.  The only person who will ever completely love you without breaking your heart is your own self.  Treat yourself, date yourself, and love yourself.  And it’s all sage advice; in today’s fast-paced and selfish reality as the notion of romantic love grows more and more elusive, it’s only natural that the world’s belief in it should be replaced by the certainty that the only person one can rely on for love is oneself.

Fleeting fancies, fickle relationships. Fear of commitment, fear of heartbreak; fear of loving, fear of losing. People entering one’s life and exiting it as they had come, leaving barely a glimpse of the shadow of their presence behind on one’s heart. Lack of permanency seems to be the norm in today’s world.

  •  I do not wish to conform to the norm

I do not care for these short-lived romances, for the passing burst of passion. I want true love. I want a fairy tale. I want a happily ever after. Yes, I am a daydreaming romantic, and I refuse let the world turn me into a skeptic, a cynic.

  • I want a love that lasts

I want love that’s slow and deep and solid. A love like parents or grandparents always seem to have. The kind that creeps up on you like honeysuckle over the walls of a cottage, and before you know it you’re entrapped by its sweetness. I want to love a person and realize – not with the fanfare of an epiphany, but with the quiet surprise of remembering a half-forgotten memory –that I cannot live without him.

  •  I want a love that laughs

I want to collapse into helpless laughter together at an unintentional innuendo, or a reference to an inside joke. I want to giggle at his silly mistakes, and laugh till my stomach hurts while watching a comedy we both love. I want to be tickled till I’m breathless with laughter, and then seek revenge till tears of mirth run down his cheeks.  I dream of someone whose smile I’ll fall in love with, and who’ll fall in love with mine.

  •  I want a love that cares

I want to stay up late worrying when he’s out alone in the rain; I want him to make me a cup of hot tea when I’m plagued by a cold. Someone who will cover me with a blanket when I fall asleep while watching a movie on the couch. I want someone whom I will cook dinner for, not because I must but because I want to see his face light up after tasting something I made with my own two hands.

  • I want a love that supports, a love that nurtures

I want to fall in love with someone who will cherish me when I am at my worst, when I am incapable of loving myself. Alone, I would heal and learn to love myself again – I want someone who will make it a whole lot easier.  Someone who will bring out the best in me as I bring out the best in him, who will stand by me and make sure I do not fall as I stumble towards my goals. I want someone whom I’ll treasure so much that their dreams become mine, too.

  •  I want a love that is friendship

Not the brief fire of ‘love at first sight’, no; I yearn for someone who would know all my deepest fears and darkest secrets, whom I’d confide in at 2 am in the morning. Someone who would never be reluctant to discuss anything with me out of fear of what I think.  I want to love someone who would be my partner in crime, whom I’d gossip with and fight with. Who would tease me and mock me till I got mad, only to say the one thing that would draw a reluctance laugh out of me. Someone to watch movies and TV shows and curse the cliff-hangers with. I want to be friends with the benefit of being in love.

  •  I want a love that is passion

To be able to argue and debate and shout at the top of our voices, while always cherishing the certainty of making up again, never breaking. I want someone who will need me like the oxygen he breathes. I crave for someone whom I’ll want with every fiber of my being. Someone who will twirl me around in the pouring rain. A love that’s heat and light, that’s like a blazing inferno that burns bright forever.

I believe in soul mates. I believe in forever’s. It’s a quest that requires hard work and determination, yes, but it’s not a myth. I want a love that’s like a river of lava – with a steady flow and a burning fire, and I believe it exists. And for those who laugh at my perceived naivete: if the great love stories sprung forth from the imaginations of men and women, it is not too far-fetched a thought that they may come to life in our very midst.

 

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Vaishnavi Kulkarni