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We Indians

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Indians, Bhartiya, Hindustani … all these are synonymous terms. We have various subclasses with dress codes of their own, although, these aren’t biological classes and even we don’t know who classed us so. These classes are termed as “Religions”, these in turn having their own subtypes spelled and termed as “Castes”.

Most of the members of these classes are seldom seen in harmony with each other. This is, of course not a survival tactic and even the wise men haven’t yet figured the reason out. From my point of view, it’s a type of pastime which helps the Indians to get rid of boredom. I should now divert from this “classes” topic or this will become the sole topic of this article.

I tried hard but couldn’t unravel the mystery behind the censoring of bad words in Indian shows like MTV Roadies, Big Boss and others belonging to this league. If you show an uncensored version of any of these shows to a kid, it’d be no wonder if he says that these were the words he heard the day before from his father. This isn’t less than a proof for the fact that we Indians have a plethora of vibrant stuff in our “Desi Gaali Shabdkosh” as compared to the “Hindi Shabdkosh” (Don’t ask me to mention “English Dictionary” here :P).
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      Indian railways are one of the largest rail networks of the world. But, if you happen to travel in a non ac coach, like most of the Indians, you may doubt about the first line of this paragraph seeing the way Indians travel in trains. You’re a hero if you complete your journey sitting in front of a family with toddlers and kids:-kids who wipe their nosy hands off your clothes with their pampering parents. You fall prey to all types of fragrances (especially the bad ones) in an Indian Rail coach. And a journey of more than 20 hours is no less than a hell. It’s even possible that you don’t find a place to place your feet in the bathroom. Yeah, as the time passes, the bathroom turns into an “abode of shit”. That’s the reason one should never be aimless (if you got what I said). You should give it a try to experience this. Talking of Indian Railways, I recently read a joke saying it happens only in India that you ask “ye 9 baje waali gadi kab ayegi?”

      Indian squat toilet: trust me; it’s the best way of unloading all that shit you’ve been storing from time immemorial all in one go. It’d be a fraction of seconds and you’ll be done. All you need to do then is to flush out your creativity so that the next user doesn’t suffer. Creativity reminds me of the fact that we have many Picassos thriving in our country. If you aren’t aware of this you can witness their great work of art on historical monuments and memorials anywhere in India. That’s not the way Mr.  M. F. Hussain should’ve influenced India. We are the ones who have the guts to pee on a swachh bharat abhiyaan poster and to put up a swachh bharat abhiyaan poster where people pee.

     We’ve possessions to boast of. Zero and the value of pi, Aryabhatta was the genius behind these discoveries. We take pride in Mr. C. V. Raman and Mother Teresa – Indian Nobel laureates. Sundar Pichai, Satya Nadella, Indra Nooyi and many more Indians are the drivers of international business giants. Our techies are reigning the Silicon Valley. Techies are produced in humongous numbers in India every year.

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To end with, as Russell Peters says it: “We Indians can never smell of shit as we wash our ass not wipe it”.

Aditya Pandit

Written by Aditya Pandit

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