We as humans face several insecurities throughout our life and also eventually grow out of them too. These insecurities may vary from social normative prejudices to one’s perception of self in contrast to others. One of the most self-destructive and challenging uncertainty is Trust Issues.
Trust issues may be your number one hurdle to connection, warmth, and intimacy, but explaining people about this can be way more challenging. So how to explain trust issues better and build a stronger relationship?
This article presumes you’re suffering trust issues left over from previous relationships, but don’t have well reasoned and coherent evidence that your current relationship partner is unreliable.
When you’re suffering from trust issues in a relationship, you are unable to extend yourself, or make yourself vulnerable, which is extremely important to the lasting success of relationships, as per experts. It’s essential to let the other person be aware of your trust issues to make the link less troublesome for both of you. Here, in this article, we’ll provide some distinctive and well-defined signals and symptoms of trust issues and point toward their solution. We will also explain how to explain trust issues more politely.
Getting over your trust issues in relationships is perhaps going to be extremely tough, and that’s okay. Most things worth doing are difficult. If you got real trust problems, it means you’ve been hurt before. Your lack of trust is held in place due to your fear of being blindsided or taken for granted or taken advantage of or otherwise humiliated and betrayed and all over again. The understood risk may be very overwhelming.
The aching, nervous stomach, racing heartbeat, hurt, and humiliation from the past have become so relatable – the feelings, although heavy and hurtful, are challenging to let go because I feel like I do not know how to handle any other sense. I just feel cold and numb and zoned out.
Trust issues are based on real-life experience, a few of them probably have their origins in childhood, even though this isn’t always the case. A few adults genuinely encounter horrific humiliation, pain, and betrayal at the hands of others. Trust issues manifest themselves as a natural defense mechanism.
So why is it so challenging to overcome trust issues and how to explain trust issues?
One surprising reason stands above everything else, and that is – Prejudice.
Not in a racial manner. Genuinely obtained trust issues sort of color your thoughts, however, causing you to expect harmful consequences should assist you in letting down your guard. The prejudice (pre-judging) here is a continuing doubt that folks are going to harm you in some or the other way.
Joshua Coleman, Ph.D. at Berkely.Edu, talks about hypervigilance in one of his works on trust and betrayal. Coleman proposes being hypervigilant after a betrayal is evolutionarily deliberate to protect us from haplessly suffering from another betrayal. The disadvantage of such hypervigilance is that it keeps you secluded from other people.
You look for the pointers. You play scenarios in your head of how someone might take advantage of you, of how someone might harm you, betray you. You foresee betrayal. The fear and expectation of pain keep the trust issues growing and alive, giving them newfound significance.
Sadly, trust issues inescapably turn into self-sabotage. For instance, when you are unable to trust, you don’t connect with other people. You miss out on chances to get to know other people, network, socialize, form healthy friendships, and intimate relationships, and this leads to self-deprecation.
Absence of self-assurance, missed opportunities, remoteness, and also social anxiety are the outcomes of this sort of self-sabotage, which is supported by painful trust issues that will not slacken. You’ve got your rationale for self-sabotage in the manner of very genuine trust issues. However, it is self-sabotage, nevertheless.
You are looking at trust issues, not just as a self-protective cover, but as self-sabotaging is one way to encourage yourself to work through them. This isn’t necessarily easy or natural. The pain you’ve encountered is real and must be validated. And there does exist the probability of being hurt again. There’s hurt everywhere. Worse, if you’re already expecting a breach of trust, then you’re also more likely to be hypersensitive to apparent violations, even when that may not be the case or was not intended.
You’re perhaps in an emotional double bind. Damned if you trust someone, damned if you don’t trust them. Perceiving the various pointers of trust issues is an excellent place to start for resolution. Below we have listed 10.
1. You Anticipate Betrayal
The question – “how to explain trust issues” can help you get rid of your habit of expecting betrayal unnecessarily. If you’re with someone who has a track record of wrongdoings, the absence of trust is valid, visible, and natural. You should get going only when you are fully aware of his or her ability to be deceitful and insincere. A lot of us have trust issues with people who never manifested any symptoms of untrustworthiness.
Yet, we predict the breach. Why is that? Trust issues from past experiences are being cast into the foreseeable future, polluting the current relationship. How do you explain your trust issues plays a significant role because it gives your partner an idea of what might be acceptable and unacceptable.
2. You Trust Folks You Have No Business Trusting
It’s contrary to intuition, but it happens all the time. When you have trust issues, you may more often than not put your trust in those people who are most likely to take you and your time for granted. Your trust issues at this point have become an emotional self-fulfilling prognosis as if you were unintentionally guaranteeing how unreliable folks are.
3. You Trust Way Too Quickly
It may be because of the self-fulfilling prognosis, but this one may also come from a place of failing to perceive how trust works. Trust is earned, remember that. As an adult, you’re best off starting with an open mind and extending trust to folks as they construct track record with you.
If you’re relatively less experienced with creating trusted relationships, you may extend your trust blindly to other people, even the undeserving ones.
4. Sharing Is Not Caring
With blazing trust issues, sharing may not be equivalent to caring. It may feel much more like emotional masochism than a healthy relationship. It takes trust and time to open up and apportion your feelings and vision and thoughts. Trust issues foresee that other people will use your internal feelings against you at some point in the future, so it’s best to be cautious, careful, and guarded.
5. Your Relationships Maybe Shallow, but You Are Not.
You may be deep thinking and feeling individual, but your relationships that are spoiled by trust issues will be shallow. You’ll be ‘sheltering’ your inner, more authentic self by not openly sharing, so your links will be entirely found on lighter, less intimidating cso obvioobviousouthingsbviousthings. How to explain trust issues is really about revealing your inner, more authentic self.
6. Emotional Commitment? Argh-no!
You need to be aware of how to explain trust issues; otherwise, you will never be able to commit fully. Your trust issues impose that you live in a world of anticipated deprivation and suffering. Your relationships don’t feel as grounded or stable as they should. At some level, you think that betrayal is unavoidable or inevitable. This makes it extremely tough for you to commit emotionally. You do not wish to become attached to someone you already ‘know’ you are going to lose eventually.
7. Genuine Mistakes Are Seen as Horrifying Breaches of Trust
How to explain your trust issues has nothing to do with people making mistakes. To err is human. They will make mistakes anyway; an n d so will you. People are iimperfectcttttitt. That’sueuman. If you have trust issues, however, you may not be able to stomach others’ imperfection or flaws when you see their fallacies through the prejudice of trust issues.
For instances –
- If he is running late, he is concealing something from you.
- When she speaks loudly, he secretly resents you.
- If he can’t talk right now, he is ignoring or avoiding you.
- When she doesn’t let you scan through his phone, she is cheating on you.
- If he doesn’t want to have sex tonight, she is not in love with you anymore.
8. Others May See You as Pompous Impossible To Please, or Unappeasable and Stern.
How to explain trust issues may play a pivotal role if you’re suffering from people misunderstanding you. Your trust issues don’t have an impact on just you. They direct how you respond to other people; thus, it becomes immensely necessary to know how to explain trust issues. When you find it hard to trust someone and show some of the signs mentioned above, others will see you harsh and unrelenting. For instance, when your boyfriend, who is running late, arrives to find you skeptical, he is perhaps not going to be motivated to console you. More likely, he will expect you to apologize for being so dubious.
If when a friend is unable to talk to you right now, and you respond with allegations, he is not going to feel inspired to speak to you anytime soon.
9. You Feel Secluded and Like an Outcast
When you are unable to trust people enough to share your inner, factual self, no one is going to become aware or witness your true self. Without being known to other people, you’ll feel isolated, lonely, secluded, and probably like you don’t belong.
There are motives behind why you learned not to trust other people. Most likely, those reasons have everything to do with one or two particular people from your past. But, the mind automatically generalizes lessons learned. You may not realize it, but you now have trust issues with a majority of the people. Unless you have at least a few people who know, the real you – whom you do trust – it’s challenging to feel like you belong.
You may feel like a complete, absolute fake – an impostor – who is scared of being discovered as a shady person when you do not know how to explain trust issues.
If you aren’t aware of how to solve trust issues, then it can lead to a vicious cycle of despair, misunderstandings, and hopelessness. All of this may eventually lead to depression, despondency, and sadness. It is not possible to adjust socially without trusting others with some capacity and to some degree, and when it is hurtful to contemplate trusting anyone, you may feel confined and yet cut off in a world where you don’t feel like you belong.
Despair and depression are the likely outcomes of this emotional double-blind.
How to explain trust issues more politely in a way that is both warm and respectful of the other person? You walk them through the experiences that have given birth to your trust issues, and you give them a full, unbiased chance to help you get out of this emotional dump and not stay in there for too long.
Trying to trust someone with your whole heart and soul, even with a mountain of trust issues, is the accomplishment of an entire lifetime. And it’s a very emotionally demanding process.
You’ll perhaps need a trusted partner to aid you in this process.
Letting go, regardless, needs one thing above all: Having the courage to take the risk of being hurt and learning how to be open about your trust issues; hence learning to answer the real question – “how to explain trust issues?”
The process seems to look something like this:
- Be willing to take the risk of the pain of learning to trust.
- Find a trustworthy partner (preferably a therapist can work if they understand trust issues).
- Understand how trust works (how to extend it and how it is earned).
- Take emotional risks with your partner.
- Confront your trust issues, fears, and hurtful feelings around trust as you take carefully calculated risks.
- Learn from the process, rinse, and repeat until you can consciously trust and understand how to extend trust well.
The evasive obvious is that if you trust people, even when you do it well, you are inevitably going to be let down. Humans aren’t perfect. They make their choices, and that doesn’t always work in your favor. A few people are not empathetic at all in their decision-making process. You’ll feel pain from time to time. But you never have to suffer so much. You don’t choose the pain, but you select the suffering.
Like Bob Marley said –
This is life. The key here is not to evade emotional pain, but to learn to hurt more effectively and how to explain trust issues more politely. Since no one can be exempt from pain, you should aim to endure it, to process it thoroughly, and learn the required lessons, not those ‘lessons’ that come from your trust issues and fears. Let yourself feel what you’re feeling. Don’t diminish your pain. If you minimize your pain, you will never be able to accept it and learn from it.
Truly reliable people may be few and far between. The good part is that you only need a few people in your life that you know and feel you can trust fully and completely.
If you’re worried about how to explain trust issues more politely to your friends and family, we hope this article eases the process for you!