Relationships are golden
But sometimes they are blue
and if you don’t know the difference
the fault lies in you!
No man is an island. Human beings are born as social beings. The need to affiliate with others and connect with others is an innate desire, ingrained within from the time one is born. Relationships, be it of any form, are vital and essential to one’s emotional makeup and psychological well-being. Research has provided compelling evidence to show how positive relationships contribute to a longer, healthier and much more happier life. The more we feel connected to someone whom we love, the happier we feel and higher is the level of personal satisfaction and contentment. The shared sense of belonging helps develop a sense of personal meaning in life. Other than it’s biological purpose, Romantic relationships help provide a sense of worth, love, care, acceptance and mutual recognition and personal gratification.
However, being in a successful and positive relationship may not always seem as simple and straightforward as it looks. Instead of building one up and encouraging one to become a better person through the relationship, the relationship may make individuals feel trapped and imprisoned mentally, emotionally and physically. By doing so, the relationship tends to do more harm than good.
9 SIGNS THAT YOU FEEL TRAPPED IN THE RELATIONSHIP!
- You feel lonely even with him around…
In the beginning when he was with you, its was all you ever needed.But now it feels like empty air surrounds you, and you look everywhere else except at him while talking, like your eyes seek something else…
This overwhelming sense of separation and loneliness distorts how we view the other individual and we tend to devalue the relationship and its meaning. Partners may feel distant and different from one another. They may be present physically at one place, but fail to emotionally and mentally connect and bond with the significant other. Instead of feeling happy, ecstatic and satisfied the person is overwhelmed by feelings of sadness, anger, resentment and may withdraw from social activity as well.
image source: www.holykale.com
- You don’t want to share things with him anymore
Earlier, you wanted to share even the tiniest of change or event in your life. If anything happened he would be the first person who’d pop into your mind to tell! but with time it became lesser and lesser important to tell him things, you both carry on with your lives like two parallel rail tracks.
Relationships help foster a sense of self esteem and positive self worth. Having someone to vent to and someone to listen to you when you express your opinions helps foster a sense of self-acceptance and self-recognition. A positive sense of self esteem and self-recognition helps steer one’s emotional and psychological development in a positive manner and helps ensure a sense of personal satisfaction, self reflection and validation. However when relationships turn toxic and conflicted, the innate desire to share things with the other person and the desire to communicate and share time and space dies down. You no longer view the individual and their opinion as important or significant as you did before. Individuals become socially and emotionally cold, reclusive and isolated and a high level of self-sufficiency and self-dependency develops.
image source: www.marketingage.com
- You dont find his life as interesting as you use to
In the beginning you enjoyed your differences, you found him funny laid back and cute but now his jokes sound lame, his laid back is lazy and cute is simply pathetic! He just looks plain and non interesting.
Having someone to connect, bond and laugh with at the end of the day can instill feelings of love, affection and extreme support. However the passion and romance often diminishes over time and the relationship loses its ‘spark’. Both partners in the relationship stop making an effort. The relationship loses its spontaneity and spending time together begins to feel mundane and monotonous. Feelings of uncertainty about the future of the relationship begin to creep in. Partners stop communicating and expressing their feelings and emotions with each other. They begin to take the relationship and each other for granted
image source: onlinedatinguniversity.org
- You feel disconnected
The twin connection, the spark that pulled you towards him is now just gone! and you wonder why you liked him in the first place (its a blunt statement i know, but all of us think that at some point!).
Uncertainty and Doubts about whether the relationship will work begin to arise. You find it more and more difficult to connect with and relate to the other person emotionally. The relationship loses stability and the individual feels happier on his own than when he thinks of being with the other individual. Both partners feel distant from the other and the relationship loses its significance, value and priority.
image source: www.anxietyslayer.com
- You get angry at small things
Even the smallest of things like leaving the toilet seat up can put you off and make you go super psycho on him! Even when you are not PMSing you feel pissed off around him, its a signal that somewhere in your heart you want out. The physical anger is a symbolic expression of how you feel inside emotionally. Instead of accepting and celebrating the other person’s flaws, the individual is triggered and angered by every minor mistake. A slight miscommunication can result in the most extreme fights and arguments.
image source: friday-night-dinner.tumbler.com
- You don’t feel like yourself anymore
You feel like you have lost yourself way back in the relationship, you think about your previous lively self and take pity on the whining, obnoxious person that you have become.
In the beginning individuals become so focused on the other individual that they lose all sense of autonomy, self and independence. This loneliness can foster feelings of anxiety, resentment, hopeless, uncertainty, melancholy and discouragement. Individuals fail to prioritise and balance between what’s important for the relationship and what is important for the individual’sself-growth. Partners are so used to focusing on the other individual, that they fail to realise their hobbies and their passions and what’s best for their own self-care.
image source: www.boldsky.com
- You don’t feel like jumping at him anymore!
No more does he look like the most attractive man on earth. The honeymoon phase has passed and there’s barely an cuddling or kissing going on. Partners lose their passion and infatuation for the significant other.
Partners start to feel unhappy with each other and within the relationship. The realisation that all relationships take consistent effort and hard-work even when things get boring, wears off. They no longer feel the need to spend all the time together. Everything feels boring and repetitive, which is usually followed by an excuse – “Not in the mood”.
image source: www.relationshipcounsellingkent.co.uk
- You look for reasons to stay
Finally when your mind gives in the thought of leaving, you think about reasons to stay. Like the last resort it runs to all the initial picture perfect memories so you can save youself from the hurt of a failed relationship.
Partners start to experience feelings of insecurity, anxiety and self doubt, believing that no one would ever tolerate or ‘put up with them’ the way their current partner has. They choose to continue the relationship even when it is unhealthy, because of self focused reasons i.e. money, time and effort invested in the relationship or unavailability of better ‘alternatives’.
- You can’t leave because you feel he doesn’t deserve to be left
Even though you’ve had terrible times but deep inside you know its nobody’s fault. He is still a good guy who has done nothing wrong and does’t deserve to be abandoned just because you grew apart emotionally.
Humans are born with flaws. It is in their innate nature. People often continue to remain in toxic relationships as they believe that beneath every mistake in the relationship the other person is a good person. By doing so they avoid all reason and logic to discontinue the relationship and find excuses to help themselves feel better about staying. They also often decode to continue the relationship, even though it is toxic, because of the belief that their partner is completely dependent on the relationship and would thereby be emotionally and physically devastated if they were to end it. In such concerns, they place little focus on self care and self health and more on how others feel.
image source: www.eonline.com
Relationships are meant to make one feel happy and satisfied. If they do more harm and good, they can be toxic for the emotional and mental health of the individual.
If you are facing these feelings its time to seriously reflect and reconsider your relationship, be open with your significant other with these feeling and know if he feels the same. Give it another chance or forgive, forget and start new!
Ask for professional help if required. Talking and venting to a therapist helps in sorting out a lot of emotional baggage and trauma. Communication is key. Communicate and express how you feel with your partner. All relationships, if treated with a sense of love, compassion, care and understanding can be repaired.
Writer – Anna.